Sunday the 24th of June 2018 – HAPPY BIRTHDAY D!
Well, what a thoroughly fucking lovely weekend I’ve had. OK you funny fucker, pick yourself up the floor, I know you weren’t expecting that but I’m not always a miserable twat. Honestly, I’ve had a right nice couple of days with our Christiaan and Eli and my heart is incredibly full, happy and other such saccharin sentiments you see in cards. These sorts of weekends are so few and far between and I know I always say it but, although you’ll read this and think it’s all very normal and dull, remember that days like these are cherished by me and people like me because it’s so rare we get to enjoy them. It’s a bite into normality (with caveats) that’s absolutely essential for me to feel grounded and lucky for my lot – it’s a kick out of victim mentality and a golden nugget of a memory that I’ll go back and revisit on my very shittest days.
Now there’s no doubt its been a brilliant couple of days, but if you were looking at the pics I took I reckon you’d have a very different version of how the weekend actually went so, here; a view of both sides of the coin for Saturday.
- Saturday morning – we went to Deep Sea World which we now have annual passes for (fuck me it’s expensive). Eli LOVES seeing the sharks and the massive fish, but is decidedly unimpressed by the seals, or swimming dogs as he called them yesterday.
- Saturday Lunchtime – We went from there to a local restaurant and had lunch, complete with a hugggggeee fucking sundae thing that everyone marvelled at and I took pics of.
- Saturday afternoon – There’s a fair on the way home so we stopped by and let Eli explore the trampoline and bouncy castle and he had his first ever go on the merry go round things
Perfect day ❤️
- Saturday morning – A 20 minute car ride gets us at Deep Sea World and I manage to walk from the car to the entrance; I’m already fucking knackered so I’ve no idea how this is going to pan out. We do a quick once over on the first level of the place which takes approximately 7 minutes and is spent mostly with Eli crawling through a fucking hidey hole tunnel ignoring all of the fish we’d paid near on £100 to see over the course of a year (unlimited passes). Eventually we get the wee fucker out the hidey hole and we go to the main event; the shark tunnel. It’s probably a minute’s walk maybe but my legs are sooooo fucking heavy it takes us about 3, however I know there’s a moving floor thing taking us through the shark tunnel so I don’t need to drag them much longer, it’s questionable how long I’ll be able to stand mind. Eli is LOVING seeing everything, he’s so so excited but it only takes approximately 3 minutes from start to finish and he likes to do it about 4-5 times in a row. So, after the first circuit I go and sit on a bench and let Eli and Christiaan go round a few more times. That is, until Eli twats out because he’s hangry and we need to go and find somewhere to put some food in it’s gob so we head to the cafe and I pull out all the bribery treats in my bag. We normally have lunch at 11 because that’s when he has it at nursery, but today we’re pushing through till 12 because that’s when civilised fucking people eat and restaurants open. So I chuck some biscuits at him and we manage to talk him into going to see the seals get fed but… you need to go through the gift shop to get there. OH FOR FUCKS SAKE. We end up with more toy animal figures – marvellous, I’ll soon be able to build my very own out of proportion colony of genetically fucked up looking hybrids. Handy for the alien invasion I guess. Eli decides the seals are shite before they even start getting fed. Fuck me. We go back to the car. We’ve been in only an hour and I’ve sat down for three quarters of that.
- Saturday afternoon – We’re literally the first people through the restaurant door for lunch but that’s fine, it gets busy very quickly most days because they have a special deal on for early birds. Except they don’t, because it’s finished now. Not that it matters, this place serves pasta, Eli eats pasta, therefore we are here, asking for pasta. I ask for a salad (because I’m a mother fucking saint) and Christiaan goes for a dirty chicken burger. All is well, Eli is fractious but that’s because he’s hungry and tired….we’ll sort out at least half of that in the next 5 minutes. Except we don’t, because the waiter took our order but fucking FORGOT to order Eli’s. HOW THE FUCK DID YOU THINK THAT WAS GOING TO END YOU MASSIVE BELL END? Also, my salad is covered in jizz, or yoghurt dressing, whatever, but it’s not as saintly as I had hoped. I eat what I can by which time bollockchops’s nuclear hot pasta has arrived. I set to it blowing with all my might, which obviously, knackers me so I give in and chuck some in it’s gob. It’s too hot so I douse it’s mouth in water and we continue with that cycle until a good 5 minutes has gone by and it’s a bit cooler. Job done. Desserts next. Right well I wasn’t having any, so that was easy. The wee man would have a scoop of chocolate ice cream and Christiaan would have something ridiculously magnificent which he did. Eli cried because I asked him if he wanted to sit beside his dad and get his picture taken with the big fancy ice cream. He then cried because we took the cocktail stick decoration out of his. Neither of them finished their desserts. Total sitting down time: 45 minutes
- Saturday afternoon – So the shows, (fair) are in the next town along from us and they come and go throughout the spring and summer year. There’s no rush to go, it’ll only be a wee while before they come back again but I’m determined I want to see Eli’s face on the merry go round because he’s always been too young to go before now. We park a few yards away from the fair and I drag myself over to where the action is. He has no fucking idea what’s going on, he’s got a burnt mouth, we’ve gone past nap time and there’s a fuck tonne of bright colours, flashing lights – he’s going bat shit crazy. He doesn’t understand that we’ve just paid £2 for him to bounce on the trampoline and staying on it for 43 second before running off and deciding he wanted to “go on that one” wasn’t value for money. He just wanted to run between one thing and another, and we didn’t want to be bankrupt so it was a tricky balance. Eventually the ultimate meltdown arrived on the merry go round. He hated it and started crying but it was moving so there was nowt I could do, I was laughing, then he fell in the footwell of the bus thing he was driving, I laughed harder, Christiaan told me off, rescued him and then decided we were going home. We were at the fair for 22 minutes in total, and I was sat down for about 15 of them watching him play. The rest of the afternoon we spend (from 2pm onwards) recovering in the garden doing nowt but pottering.
Here are the pics which support the evidence on both accounts. Never believe what you see on Insta/Facebook – we’re all fucking liars. I look healthy, Eli looks happy and adorable and it looks like he’s right interested in Christiaan’s ice cream when in fact he cried when he was offered a bit. Fucker.
This morning Eli rewarded us for such a lovely day with a 5.20 rise, which means I can, with a clear conscious, punch the next person that tells me he’s getting too much sleep in the day and that’s why he rises early. No fuck face, he doesn’t – he had none of the sleep yesterday and managed to get up fucking earlier than he has all week. Cock. Anyway trying to make best of the early morning I suggested we have pancakes for breakfast, I say we, I mean them, because surprisingly home made vanilla scotch pancakes smothered in jam, golden syrup or nutella aren’t on the healthy list. I had a fucking banana on a slice of wholemeal. If I don’t lose this week, I’m eating the group leader, sorry Cath but you should know your days are numbered in the wake of any failure I may have.
So after a leisurely start to the day I decide I really really want to try and get to the park. I know I’m not going to be able to do Ravenscraig, it’s too far a walk for me just now but we thought we’d be brave and try Beveridge park for a change. It’s closer by and is a flatter and shorter walk to the play park for Eli, but we generally avoid it because there’s a duck pond and Eli enjoys trying to drown with a nanoseconds notice and it’s not good for our hearts. It’s been a good 4-5 months since we’d tried last though and he’s come on a bit so we got our big boy pants on and faced our fucking fears (with his reigns on, just in case). The little fucker just sauntered straight past it. He gave none of the fucks. Not even about the swans. I swear that kid takes the piss. Anyway, a 20 minute play and we were back in the car because we’d picked the worst day to take him there – Race for Life was about to start (if you did it, you’re my hero, I love this event) and it was starting to get really really busy and a bit crime sceney with all the tape there was cordoning off areas you could and couldn’t walk to. We dodged the millions of cars that seemed to have rocked up in the 20 minutes since we arrived and drove home to get the penis’d ones ready for Eli’s swimming lesson. I had a rest before we headed out again and was ready to do more sitting on my arse watching Christiaan do the hard work.
His lesson went really well this week though hooooray! There was barely any crying and he seemed loads more confident. The couple from last week were there again off of Hong Kong but they chose to loiter behind me rather than talk which was a relief because I’ve had “fuck off” on the tip of my tongue all day and was in no mood for social chit chat. Lunch time and nap time rolled round and Eli went down no trouble at all thankfully – he’d even eaten the spaghetti hoops and toast I put on for his lunch: NOT SOUP – halle-fucking-lujah, this kid is a marvel.
It was game over for me from there on in mind, I’ve not moved off my arse all afternoon because I’m done. It’s been a gloriously sunny day here so it’s not been wasted, I’ve been sat in the garden while Eli played in his paddling pool and Christiaan watched the footy – we were all having a lovely time.
On paper it looks a busy day but broken down it meant that I had a 3-4 minute walk to and from the car in the park but spent the rest sat on a bench, Christiaan did the majority of the playing back and forward with Eli. I helped get him ready for his lesson and dressed again after but that was all. You’ll not be surprised to hear that it’s absolutely fucked me but you know what, it was worth it. We’ve laughed loads this weekend, we’ve achieved a lot, I’VE achieved a lot – especially when you consider the events of the last few weeks. I’m chuffed to fuck and although I felt like sleeping for a million years instead of writing, I couldn’t not tell you that I’ve had a lovely weekend, not when you read so much of my moaning. SO there ❤️
- I genuinely feel that even with me being sat down for the most part, that Eli had a normal weekend this weekend. We had to compromise on nothing to make sure I could take part and he could have fun – that means the world to me
- I’ve enjoyed it immensely, even the shit bits
- I’m absolutely fucked, I have no idea what tomorrow is going to look like but I’ll take it as it comes
- What’s on the menu Mellars?
- Breakfast – A banana on toast
- Lunch – Crustless fake quiche thing again with salad
- Dinner – chilli and brown rice (cos I’m posh innit)
Are you new round here?
If you’ve just stumbled across TryingToDoItAll and have no bastarding idea what’s going on you should probably go back and read a few blogs from the beginning. Don’t panic, I won’t ask you to read them all, but these few posts will help explain. Oh stop sighing, it’ll only take you a few minutes. Fucks sake.
- Well you’re here, so you may as well get comfy
- Can’t stop M.E. now…. ahmm having such a good time, ahmm tickling your balllssss!
- When are the grown ups coming?
- Major surgery…again?
- You’ve got to be kidding M.E.?
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ME Blogger extraordinaire… not really