Went a bit AWOL didn’t I?

Monday the 18th of June 2018

It’s been 4 days since I’ve been able to put words in the right order. Can you believe it? 4 fucking days. That’s why I’ve not been around much. I could talk for the most part, but my brain was so tired I wasn’t capable of writing a sentence that made sense. I tried… every day I tried but, every time I got the lap top out and tried to type I I couldn’t get my fingers to hit the keys I wanted to, and when they did make words they were the wrong fucking ones and were all in the wrong bastard order so it made no sense at all. Today is Monday and although I’m only one paragraph in, I’m already doing way better than I have been doing since Friday…. I think, I mean you could be sat there thinking “what the fuck is she going on about?”, I’ve no idea and I’m adopting the rules of dementia on this one: it makes sense to me.  If you’re a friend of mine, I’m sorry for the lack of contact or short replies to messages and texts in the last few days – I’ve genuinely not be capable of much else but I’m hoping I’ll be back to normal now…. I guess this blog will be the turning point; or will it? Oh the suspense! Strap in people, you’re either in for an alright time or a hellish time…

Reading back on Thursdays attempt to write I should have known it was going down this road to be honest; it’s all over the place compared to how I normally write and I knew at the time it wasn’t going well but I was just grateful that I managed to get something down. I’m a stubborn fucker. See, I battle with myself when I’m like this, I try and push through and only when it’s utterly essential do I down tools and give in and it’s not a graceful fall let me tell you. Friday was that day – it all went to shit. I was making the motions during the day but I knew all was not well. It’s a really strange thing is cognitive tiredness, I don’t really know that I have anything to liken it to but the closest thing is being hammered. You know when you’re absolutely fucked, at that point when you’re breathing heavy and you’ve got to close one eye to concentrate on writing a text? It’s a bit like that,  except a fun free version of that obviously because there’s nowt funny about staring at your phone and wondering if the word “the” says “the” or “tea” which is kind of where I was. I can kind of smirk about it now that I’m feeling a wee bit brighter but fuck me it’s a shit state of affairs and I’m still not back to where I was even last Wednesday which by anyones standards is fucking awful. Happy days!

So what have I been up too while I’ve skiving from my blog? Well pretty much fuck all as it happens. You’d thinking having not written for 4 days I’d have fucktonnes to tell you but alas, I live the life of a corpse. I have been mostly sat down, with a touch of standing up to get to places thrown in for good measure. Still, it’s not been without it’s ups and downs so I’ll focus on the ups and skirt around the downs, because I’m pretty sure you’ve guessed by now that it’s been a bit shit and I’m not sure what good labouring that point over and over until you feel like pulling your own eyeballs out with your bare hands would do.

The big news is that the final remnants of ceiling vag are gone. RIP my overhead saggy drippy vagina and hello lovely new tight, not drippy ceiling. I’d take a pic but it’s a white fucking ceiling and I’m sure you allllllllll know what one looks like. The bedroom is also painted and will be carpeted tomorrow and once that’s done, and the blinds are sorted I may take a pic and show off for a bit, cos, you know, it’s posh to have a bedroom rather than all huddling round one room in the house innit. I deserve to brag. I’ll leave you with a bit of a teaser though, the painter asked “are you sure you want that colour on ALL of the walls?”… fuck aye auld man, whap it on… and he did. This is the last work we’ll do in the house this year though I think, (well bar the railings which are yet to arrive) because we’ve run out of funds, not a bad amount done this year right enough, I’m pleased with how far we’ve stretched a pretty small budget, especially given the fucking ceiling incident.

Seamus is also still alive and turning into a right arrogant wee fucker. He was peeking over the top of the roof squawking at me earlier. I’m not sure if he was threatening to jump, or was hungry because I don’t speak seagull but after his geronomo move last week I was a bit nervous as I reversed out of the drive…. he buggered off back to the nest as soon as I was out of his sight though. Yet another needy little fucker in my life; perfect. I was amazed he wasn’t carried off with those high winds last week mind, everything else was, but thankfully I managed to salvage the majority of what was flung around the place. The damage to the greenhouse was superficial so its back together and the plants that smashed everywhere were re-potted. I was lucky I reckon.

So what else have I been up to? Nowt really, Christiaans had to act in a bit of a Driving Miss Daisy capacity so that I can at least get out and that meant on Saturday I got to go to the farm shop for a 5 minute potter and pick up some of those fucking awesome tomatoes. Yes I said that “fucking awesome tomatoes” – juicy juicy bastards I tell you, they piss all over the ones you get in the shops. That was it on Saturday though; it was chucking it down and I wasn’t great so that’s all I managed….. and it’s a right long way to go for tomatoes to be fair, 45 minutes each way, but Eli was being a twat about napping so we needed a long-ish drive to get him to fall asleep, and it worked. Sunday was Eli’s swimming lesson which I managed to get to with them, but I got befriended by an older Chinese couple who, I think, were trying to practise their English on me…. I should be flattered, I clearly look friendly, but in all honestly – I couldn’t be fucking arsed. I was struggling to get MY words together, far less correct them when they were talking, so I didn’t. I know that makes me sound like an ignorant fucker, and hands up, I am. See Eli’s lesson only lasts for half an hour and it was only his third one: I wanted to watch him, not chat, plus I couldn’t work out why they were there. This blokes Mrs was in a wheelchair and didn’t talk so much (I’m not sure she could to be fair), so I was left talking to him and I was running out of stuff to talk about with a  60 year old bloke, regardless of his language skills. I asked if they were going for a swim, they said no, I asked if they were waiting for one of their wee ones to go swimming, they said no, I asked if they knew anyone in the pool, again it was a no so…. why the fuck were the at the observation point for a kids swimming lesson? I was lost. I’m sure it was all v harmless, they weren’t really paying too much attention to the kids and even if they were there’s no harm in that; kids playing is a lovely thing to watch and we’re all a bit too fucking paranoid these days. Yes yes I know you can’t be TOO safe but I didn’t get a sinister vibe from them, just an odd one and to be honest, I attract weirdo’s at the best of times so I wasn’t that surprised. ANYWAY, Eli’s lesson went a bit better and he only cried a wee bit for reasons that are best known the wee man himself but seem to be centred on not wanting to do as he was asked… again. He seems more confident in the water though and he also seems to enjoy the majority of it so job done innit?

Obviously it was Fathers Day yesterday and I had wanted to make it really special for Christiaan but… well… I’m a bit tied with that n all when I can’t get my own shit together. I tried my best though, he had loads of gifts from the wee boy and the cats to open in the morning and I did an easy dinner of stew, mash and veg for him and my own folks who came round for dinner too. We spent the afternoon playing with Eli but by 8 last night I was in a bit of a mess so I had to abandon ship and get to bed. Which sucked, but at least I got through the day which was questionable at one point.

So today, Monday, was a solo parenting day and I was dreading it – how the fuck was I going to cope after the last few days? I did though –  hooray! The wee man has been on his best behaviour all day which was a huge help, he ate everything, slept, laughed, charmed everyone he met and has generally been a bit of a pleasure to be around. We went to the soft play at Dobbies this morning, met D and the twins and had the place to ourselves for the first half an hour until the arseholes arrived and spoiled it. I really don’t fucking like other peoples kids; within 5 minutes one was in the soft play with its shoes on and another had pushed Leah, one of the twins, over for no other reason than she felt like it – little fucker. Her mum didn’t see, I mean how could she, she had to look at a picture of Janet’s kid having fun on Facebook rather than pay attention to her own spawn. So I did some arms length parenting at the wee girl as she strolled out after “the incident”:  I gave her the dead eye, which I’m sure will haunt her dreams…. she should count herself lucky I didn’t trip her up. I was too far away.

We came home, Eli actually ate some spaghetti hoops and toast and then went down no problem for his nap which was a massive win on both counts. Once he was up, we went up to the shops to get something for dinner this afty but I had to cut  the visit short and come home; I was struggling to get my legs moving. Sad times, BUT after a few hours rest I took myself up to fat club wondering what I was going to face this time. I’ve put on 1.5lbs over the last 2 weeks and I’ve no idea why. It’s not worth worrying about, it sorts itself out eventually when my body remembers what the fuck it’s meant to be doing. Thankfully it had got the memo this week and it was a 4.5lb loss, which absolutely means it had forgotten what was going on and is now back in the game. It brings me to three and a half fucking stone in total. Boom! So, now the count down is on to get me down to the next stone. It’ll probably take me till Christmas but that’s alright, it’s not like I’m going anywhere is it?

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Right then, I’ll quit while I’m ahead…. night.

The end

 

  • Highlights
    • I’m slowly coming out of a very very horrible place….. physically and cognitively it’s been fucking rubbish to be honest
    • We have a finished bedroom and kitchen and after tomorrow – no more tradesmen IN the house for the foreseeable
    • Seamus still lives…. surprisingly
    • Eli has been wee delight today
    • Day one of solo parenting done
    • Hit my next fat club milestone innit
  •  Lowlights
    • Acht its been rubbish really and I’m upset I’ve missed so much of everything including the blog. I missed my brothers girlfriends party on Saturday – it was totally out of my reach and no matter how much I try and explain I can’t really ever get it to land home with people
    • That’s enough I reckon. Don’t you?
  • What’s on the menu Mellars? Weigh in day innit
    • Breakfast –  A slice of toast and some haggis off of Dobbies
    • Lunch – None, I was stuffed
    • Dinner  – Pizza!

Are you new round here?

If you’ve just stumbled across TryingToDoItAll and have no bastarding idea what’s going on you should probably go back and read a few blogs from the beginning. Don’t panic, I won’t ask you to read them all, but these few posts will help explain. Oh stop sighing, it’ll only take you a few minutes. Fucks sake.

  1. Well you’re here, so you may as well get comfy
  2. Can’t stop M.E. now…. ahmm having such a good time, ahmm tickling your balllssss!
  3. When are the grown ups coming?
  4. Major surgery…again?
  5. You’ve got to be kidding M.E.?

#mecfs #meawarenessuk #mewarrior #silentillness #swearymum #meblogging

#ThisisME

ME Blogger extraordinaire… not really

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