Fucks Sake Seamus

Wednesday the 13th of June 2018

I’m sat in my very quiet serene lounge and to be honest I was enjoying the peace until i rI realised that I could hear birds shouting at each other. No, it’s not delicate wee tweets, it’s  full blown “HOI MARGARET, GET YER WASHING IN DOLL, THE RAINS ON ITS WAY”. It’s loud. Fucking loud. We’ve got a yellow weather warning for wind landing down in a bit and it’s bringing quite a bit of rain with it; from what I can see the birds have the Met Office App installed on their wee birdy mobiles too because they’re clearly  getting shit organised ahead of the storm – clever wee fuckers, although it’s still a mystery to me where they all GO when the weather gets bad. You never see wee birdies getting blown about or soaking wet… they just disappear. Bird Narnia? Birdnia? Who knows. Anyway, at the risk of sounding like Alan Titface: I’m chuffed to see the rain coming, it’s been dry for weeks bar an occasional bought of drizzle and we’ve had to actually water the garden most nights because it’s parched (no water shortage here hooray) so it’ll do it some good to get a good soaking. The wind can go and fuck itself mind. I’ve no time for the wind – fucking pointless stuff that serves no purpose at all but to move shit very quickly from where you want it, to where you don’t want it; and that worries me because Davie and Agnes are nesting and they have wee baby Seamus up on the roof. Wee Seamus is already proving himself a bit of a silly fucker to be honest – he’s going to have to wise up if he’s to last. A good start would be to not fall off the roof mind. Yup. He fell off the roof and onto the path this morning.

Christiaan got back from dropping Eli off (who is still being a nightmare today by the way) at nursery and heard wee Seamus chirruping v close by, scouted around and found him in between the plant pots by the front door. Davie and Agnes were swooping all over the place and going mental; what the fuck they hoped to do is anyones guess? It’s not like they’ve got fingers or hands to pick him back up again is it and twatting him with a wing isn’t going to help anyone. So Christiaan and I pissed around outside trying to work out if the ladders we had were tall enough to get him back on the flat roof; they weren’t. Not even balanced on top of the old garden table. Plan B was to get baby Seamus, (now contained in a wee cardboard box to stop him screaming like I was killing him), into the house and up the stairs to the bathroom window, where we planned to slide him back down the pitched roof to his nest. Solid plan concocted by the penis’d one. All was going to plan, I lifted him out, opened the window and gently slid him down the tiled roof – he rolled down slowly and I thought he was going to get to the bottom and smoothly go on his way but about 5cm before the end of the roof he pirouetted and landed on his  fucking head. The look Agnes gave me! As if it was my fucking fault? You want to give yourself a talking to Agnes and start looking after that wee one, your reputation as a mother is not shining as brightly as it could be right now. He’s fine though, is the wee man, I’ve seen him waddling back up to his mum, he’s moving his wings and there’s fuck all wrong with his voice box – he was a very lucky if not daft boy. I suspect we’ll need to repeat this several times in the next few days until he gets big enough to fly but I’m hoping that bastard wind doesn’t get him or he’s off to see the Wizard of Oz.

So anyway, today….. it’s been how I expected it to be really. Shit. I’m not in a great way. Just the usual really but it’s turned up a notch; I’m slower, heavier, more tired and more sore that I was and I think it’s getting worse as the day goes on. I’m also really narky because I just want to lie down for a long time and can’t. I was desperate to get to sleep last night and headed up to bed just a smidge after 9 where I lay awake for 40 minutes. After moaning on the Facebook page last night about not being able to sleep in the very bright bedroom – I managed to flake out 10 minutes later. Clearly unburdening myself was the way to go. Mad innit? That’s a prime example of how this can sometimes work though, I’m wide awake but knackered and it’s like torment because I NEED to sleep but can’t …. and then all of a sudden – boosh, I pass out. 9 times out of 10 I can sleep no problem right enough, in fact, half the problem is I can sleep at any time but then there’s the nights like last night where I just can’t. It’s never for very long, but long enough when then only thing on your agenda is getting to sleep, I’m not worrying, or anxious or thinking of anything – sleep just fucks off for a bit and then it comes back and it’s like someone just flicks a switch in my brain and that’s me until I hear Eli getting up for the morning most times. I was such a light sleeper before I became ill you know, I could hear the cats jumping down from the worktops in the kitchen, or hear a car drive up the road but now? Now I normally only really wake if one of the cat’s is being a dick or if Eli is being a dick, which I thought he was being at 5am when he started moaning. Thankfully though he got himself back to sleep and we all got an extra hour and a half in bed – way to go wee man, I’ll have more of that please. It was odd though because I was dreaming, which is unusual because in the deep sleep I get into I rarely dream anymore, I just pass out. It was even more strange that I was dreaming that I had slept in to fetch the painter and got lost on my way. He lives where I used to so there was no chance of ever getting lost  but I suspect my brain was trying to tell me that my alarm had been going off for 15 minutes without me hearing it. Lazy cow that I am.

So the wee man started shuffling and we all got up, and I switched the chocolate tea pot alarm off, which in fairness was set to vibrate only because I’m a moron. We get Eli up out of bed but he still isn’t in a great place I don’t think, I just wish I knew what the fuck was going on with him. He was apparently crying this morning because I’d left the house to go and fetch the painter and that continued until he left for nursery – it’s crazy because normally he’s just not that arsed where I am or what I’m up to. He’s not a clingy boy at all; I mean he comes to find me when he can’t see me but he’s rarely upset when I’m not there. So, I’ve no idea, he may be overly emotional, he may be poorly, or he may be an arsehole – the odds are split but I know which way I’d bet.

I’ll find out if he’s been any better when I go and get him from nursery I guess but they’d normally call me if he’s not settling. Doing that pick up will be…. interesting today because I’m not sure where I’m going to get the energy from; I am absolutely fucked. Not that today has been as busy a day as yesterday, far from it, Eli is in nursery and I’ve literally picked up the painter, gone to the carpet shop and then dropped the painter home again. I’m fucking exhausted though and at the point of writing this bit (2.30pm) I am trying really hard to stay awake because if I let myself sleep, I’ll not be able to drive at 3.30 when I need to fetch bollockchops and I suspect leaving him overnight there would probably be frowned upon.

Feeling as bad today has spurred me on to doing something that I’ve been putting off for a wee while now; applying for my blue badge. It’s a pride thing. I fucking hate that I’m in a place where I need to ask the council for a hand but I’m not sure I have much choice now – the distance I’m able to walk, when I can walk at all, is getting less and less and because I physically can’t walk as far as I need to I just don’t go and get essentials. 90% of my worldly goods is purchased online, mostly from Amazon. In fact the last walk of more than a few meters I did in town was when I got out to get my new jacket and that was weeks ago and resulted in me being pretty much house bound for a few days after. So I’ve been avoiding going back, but today I needed to order that carpet and the shop I use is at the bottom of town – shit. It was a right conundrum trying to work out where I could park so that I had the least amount of time on my feet but I was actually pretty lucky and found a spot only a few meters away and you know what? It was so much easier. I shuffled out of the car, into the shop, chose and paid for the carpet within 5 minutes and was back in my car right after. That’s what I need to be able to do to make day to day stuff manageable so I guess it makes sense that I apply for a badge. I’m not holding my breath that’ll be getting one right enough, I know that so many people ask and get turned down. I’m sure that I’ll be called in for an assessment and be questioned to within an inch of my life before someone who knows very little about my condition declares I’m well enough to get on with it…… but you don’t ask, you don’t get do you? I’ve been optimistic mind, I’ve only asked for the temporary 3 year one – I’m not ready to admit I’m permanently broken just yet! So we’ll see; it feels like the beginning of  a really slippery slope to me but I’m hoping my gut is wrong.

The End.

  • Highlights
    • The painter only worked half a day today (planned) and hopes to be finished tomorrow but he’s grafting hard and it’s all coming together pretty nicely
    • We rescued Baby Seamus after his 15ft plunge and it would seem he’s pretty unscathed. Wee fucker
    • Child free day which I desperately needed today
  •  Lowlights
    • Blue badge gate – I suspect I’m in for a stressy time asking for this. I’m not really prepared for battle if I’m honest
    • Eli still not right with…. who knows
    • Tough day for me today, payback is a bitch
  • What’s on the menu Mellars? Carbon copy of yesterday because there’s left overs… lazy innit?
    • Breakfast –  a yoghurt
    • Lunch – Some home made barley, veg and gammon soup
    • Dinner  – pasta pepperonata with mushrooms and onions oh and I added meatballs tonight because I’m FANCY.

Are you new round here?

If you’ve just stumbled across TryingToDoItAll and have no bastarding idea what’s going on you should probably go back and read a few blogs from the beginning. Don’t panic, I won’t ask you to read them all, but these few posts will help explain. Oh stop sighing, it’ll only take you a few minutes. Fucks sake.

  1. Well you’re here, so you may as well get comfy
  2. Can’t stop M.E. now…. ahmm having such a good time, ahmm tickling your balllssss!
  3. When are the grown ups coming?
  4. Major surgery…again?
  5. You’ve got to be kidding M.E.?

#mecfs #meawarenessuk #mewarrior #silentillness #swearymum #meblogging

#ThisisME

ME Blogger extraordinaire… not really

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