Monday the 11th June 2018
I bunked off yesterday… again… but it’s alright, there was no major drama, we were just out enjoying the sunshine in the garden and I chose not to write rather than not being able to write. I think I might need to give myself a bit of a break when it comes to missing days, I dunno why but I always feel like I’ve failed a bit when I don’t post. I’d love to say it was because I felt like I was letting “my readers” (schnarf) down but in truth; I’m not that much of a fucking narcissist. I know, and you know, that life does not revolve around me and my downward spiral of self pity and it’s no skin off your nose if I post or not. I think when I apologise for missing a day it’s more like I feel like I’ve not achieved everything I’ve set out to; I’m selfishly apologising to myself I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel a sense of responsibility to make sure what I write isn’t utter horseshit and I would say (so far) I have a fairly healthy ratio of about 50/50; which is acceptable to me because if we were sat in a bar together, firstly, it would be a fucking miracle if I was awake and secondly I generally talk 100% shit when I’m not sleeping. So you see, you guys get the best of me…..this blog is clearly a public service. I’ve peaked. Now, what the fuck do I need to do to get knighted by Auld Betty?
I don’t want to be a Dame, fuck that, Knights get way more Kudos. A dame to me is either a horse or drag queen, or both in the world of Dame Maggie Smith. A Knight on the other hand, they sound like they should be the shiz (even if they are a bit wanky in real life). Looking at who’s got done this year I reckon I should be in with a shout: Kenny Dalglish, well all he did was kick a ball when he was younger and then shouted at professional athletes for the rest of his working years. TICK ✅ Emma whatsherchops pretends to be other people and puts on an act ✅ I do both of those activities daily, AND with a toddler in tow. I guess I’ll remain a hidden talent for another year…. the world can wait.
So yesterday, well… we had a relatively busy morning to be honest. Eli had his swimming lesson which was stressful for everyone bar him and we needed to get up to Sainbo’s for a few bits and Argos to get the huge fucking Toot Toot monstrosity I’d ordered to put by for his birthday in September – the end of September at that. I always do this though, I buy bits from May/June onwards and he ends up with waaaaay too much come his actual birthday so this year I’ll stop at what we’ve got which is: a balance bike, a few books, a couple of jigsaws, a kinetic sand play set and this huge fucking Toot Toot. It’s a hundred quids worth of gifts so not TOO obscene but far more than necessary. In fact I’m hoping his Nan and Grandad ask what he needs for birthday so that the balance bike can be from them instead of us – it gives me the fear that he grows up as one of these entitled spoiled single family kids. I was one of 2 until age 9, and one of 4 from there on in so I never had the luxury of being a spoiled only child but you see so many that are and very rarely are they nice kids to boot. So, I’m trying to get the balance right; Christiaan’s folks managed it with him, and I’ve got a few friends with one child who are doing a sterling job too so I’m determined we do the same with Eli – just because we CAN buy shit, does not mean he’s entitled to have it. If he had a brother or sister he’d have to get used to not getting what he wanted a hundred times a day, it’s a fantastic lesson for any kid to learn so we need to make sure he learns it fast because I’m pretty sure we won’t be having any more unless it’s a magical biological fuck up. I mean, never say never n all that, because I swing between not wanting him to have the burden of us in our old age fall on his shoulders alone, and thanking my lucky stars that we’re through the other side of him being a baby and getting our freedom back. I genuinely didn’t enjoy the baby stage. He was an arsehole of a baby and I am not the maternal cooing type; it was fucking hard work and no one is ever honest about that because they get clouded with pride as they grow up and start being all charming n shit. If you’re on the fence about it, don’t be fooled into thinking it’ll be easy because you used to babysit Chardonnay’s sisters cousin for 2 hours on a Saturday; it’s fucking awful to begin with… the good bits come a bit later and by that time you may well be a bit warped. Be warned.
So anyway, yesterday, Christiaan dived into Argos and then we nipped into Sainbo’s for a few bits before heading to the pool for Eli to go swimming. I say swimming, it’s more him crying in the water when he’s asked to do anything bar squeal and cling onto Christiaan’s neck but at least he’s confident at jumping off the side into the water….. repeatedly… when he’s not supposed to be. I sat on the side lines again but I feel confident I looked less of a perv because I found where the other parents were sat at an inside observation point and parked my arse there behind the glass. I could SEE Eli cry but couldn’t hear him; jobs a good un. Clearly the other parents had been here before; they had ignoring their offspring and partners off to a fine art.
It was right cold all morning here so we were all togged up but on the 7 minute journey home from the pool summer popped it’s head through the clouds, winked and got its hat on so it got really warm (well for here) really quickly. It was decided that after his nap Eli could play in the paddling pool and we’d do fuck all in elasticated clothing while he did. My folks were coming later in the afty, and I had already cooked enough dinner to go round so there was no stress and a good feed at the end of a nice afternoon. A result to be honest because I was struggling after a busy (for me) morning. That’s why there was no blog, it had been full on and when I did have space to write I just wanted to watch my wee boy play in his paddling pool while singing “Once I caught a fish alive” (in the wrong order by the way) – it was good for the heart. It’s what Sundays are all about innit? That and good food, and well I’d got that nailed already with a beef and smoked garlic potato pie.
Fast forward to today and it was a bit of a shock to the system all round – Christiaan was back at work so I was solo parenting and Eli woke up in a fucking mental mood after being really unsettled all night. I’ve no idea what was up with him but it’s continued all day, he’s either been strung to the moon or pale, whiney and clingy with no in between so I suspect he’s heading for a bug which is marvellous news… obvs. We wanted to get round to D’s this morning to cuddle the twins and drop of a few wee play things that Eli no longer fits on so off we went but he just wasn’t really himself when he was there either; nothing I can put my finger on but just not 100%. We had a smashin hour with the kids playing with each other though and D and I had a cuppa and a chat before I got laddo home and she headed out with her two. Nap was an odd state of affairs but eventually he nodded off, I had some lunch before heading out to the post office at the top of the road and then had intended to go and order the bedroom carpet when Eli woke up but when I drove past the wee carpet shop was closed so that’ll need to be our mission for tomoz. We had half an hour or so in the garden but its a bit dull and wet here so it was back indoors to play with what he had pulled through from his playroom/my office.
It’s been a bit of a tricky day to manage, because I’m normal knackered and M.E. knackered. Normal knackered doesn’t really send me up nor down to be honest, just like you when you’re knackered – you know it’s there, you’re looking forward to your day finishing and going to bed but it doesn’t really stop you doing too much, it just makes you yawn more and want to do less. Add M.E. knackered onto it though and it’s a bit like having a sphincter covered in piles on top of chill blanes; it’s a complete pain in the arse. I’ve no idea what the script was last night but I couldn’t sleep, neither could Christiaan and we were really aware of Eli shuffling about all night too; there must have been something in the air. Either that or the arsenic I put in their dinner wasn’t strong enough – whatever. So none of us are well rested, Christiaan had work to deal with, I had an Eli to deal with and my legs decided they were going to be obstructive bastards in the whole process. I’d noticed I had swelling last night and a lot of it is gone now but there’s definitely something funky going on because for the second week after eating on plan immaculately again I put weight on. So that’s 1.5lbs in two weeks when I’ve been eating really cleanly. It’ll all even out, like I explain every week, losing weight with M.E. can be a bit of a mystery and it’s possibly fluid retention given the state of play with my legs but there’s nothing I can do about it so the only option is just to plough through it to another week. I know I’m on the right track – I’ve done nothing differently to the weeks I’ve walked in and lost 4lbs so it’ll catch up eventually and for now I can see the difference in inches; it’s working even if the scales aren’t recording it yet. So I’m disappointed but not despondent. Onward and upward to tomorrow – tally ho!
In saying that… I have no idea how tomorrow is going to play out. The decorator will be here and I need to keep Eli and entertained until we can get out. I have crafty stuff laid by for emergencies that he’s never clapped eyes on before but I am NOT a crafty mum in the slightest and Eli has the attention span of a kid in a cake shop. I’m not hopeful that even if I managed to get the fucking stuff out without exploding in rage that he’d be that arsed for longer than 3 minutes so I’m not sure it’s worthy trade off, maybe we’ll just try and find some films to watch instead. Wish me luck….
- Solo parenting day 1 complete – the child is still alive and currently rolling in his bed whispering “dinosaurs up a mountain”. Whatever kid.
- Really lovely afternoon yesterday with my folks after they’d been away for a week. Eli was funny and polite and cheeky and I was very smiley
- Big boy bed seems to be going OK since I increased the volume of rolled towels under his sheet. He’s not fallen out the last two mornings
- He’s actually fallen asleep in his bed the last two nap times after our cuddling session turned into a battle so it’s a bittersweet victory because my boy may be growing up but I’ll miss my cuddles.
- Acht I’m still shit obviously which means I’m beginning to really wonder if I’ll ever get back to work, and if I don’t, what that means for us. I suspect I’m suffering from having no plan of return so I need to get my deadline set and see if I can make it.
- more weight on this week which is shite and unfair and other words that suggest that I AM THE VICTIM
- What’s on the menu Mellars? Well it’s weigh in day so not strictly on plan which may have to change if I have another gain next week – it’s never affected me before but it would be sods law for it to start now
- Breakfast – Toast with cheese
- Lunch – Halloumi and salad wrap
- Dinner – No idea yet…
Are you new round here?
If you’ve just stumbled across TryingToDoItAll and have no bastarding idea what’s going on you should probably go back and read a few blogs from the beginning. Don’t panic, I won’t ask you to read them all, but these few posts will help explain. Oh stop sighing, it’ll only take you a few minutes. Fucks sake.
- Well you’re here, so you may as well get comfy
- Can’t stop M.E. now…. ahmm having such a good time, ahmm tickling your balllssss!
- When are the grown ups coming?
- Major surgery…again?
- You’ve got to be kidding M.E.?
#mecfs #meawarenessuk #mewarrior #silentillness #swearymum