Wednesday 6th of June 2018
Well, today is better than yesterday so that’s good news innit? I mean I didn’t skip out of bed to Katrina and the Waves first thing this morning, but I didn’t have to check my own pulse to see if I was still alive either; so that’s progress.
It was pre-6am war cry from Eli that got us up bright and early this morning and I was absolutely delighted to find that when I went into his room he’d managed to whip off not only his jamma bottoms but also his piss laden nappy off. Again. He was just sat there, knob on show grinning at me before announcing “Look Mummy, smy willy” and pulling his wee slug out till it was stretched as far as it could go – I could see Christiaan grimace and cross his legs a wee bit which made me snort even more. You carry on wee man, if I had one, I’d never be done with it either. I did a quick touch test on the bed and found that luckily there was no piss on it, but thought it wise to change the bedding just in case seeing as his bare bumhole and balls had been rubbing all over the place. You never know just how far a skid mark will go to hide. So… it was a novel way to start the day I would say. Why he can’t just shout on us and keep himself clothed is beyond me but he’ll need to sort it out before he gets any older.
We all trundled downstairs, and I’m chuffed to say that today I could stand the sound of my sons voice; something that was out of reach yesterday. I felt like shit but after the shit storm that was yesterday I was determined today wouldn’t be a complete wipe out. I’d decided last night that the very least I wanted to do was get to Morrison’s for some cottage cheese… I know … I have no idea what my life has become either, but I wanted to make a fat club quiche and I needed some so it gave me some purpose. It’s right important to me always have a plan see; even if that plan only has one single action like going to Morrison’s on it – I can feel like I achieved what I set out to when I’ve ticked it off. I wouldn’t say I feel satisfied, but I do feel that the day has at least not been entirely wasted. I know it maybe sounds a bit adventurous, going to a supermarket on my own like this but to put a trip to Morrison’s into context; it’s a 5 minute drive there and back and is generally always pretty quiet, so going into get a few bits only ever takes about 20 mins max and it’s such a beautiful drive when it’s a cracking day like today. I can feel like I’ve been out when I’ve not been very far at all. So I decided that that was my entire agenda today; going and getting cottage fucking cheese. It’s not much I know but after yesterday I was aiming high, believe me.
As it turned out I would have needed to go to Morrison’s with or without my need for cottage cheese anyway because we’d run out of milk. Also, I needed to get to the cash point because, something magical happened this morning; the hall sky light was finished! I KNOW! I couldn’t believe it either! It was a hairy moment mind, the joiner and roofer hadn’t announced their arrival so to begin with Christiaan and I began to panic that Davie and Agnes had been to buy power tools and were wreaking their revenge for us living in the house we pay for by ripping up the roof; they’re unreasonable bastards like that. All was made clear when the boarding was taken off and there behind it was the roofers wee face, and then the joiners saying “Oh ya fucker” while trying to dodge Davie’s incredibly sharp beak as he swooped for their heads. I can’t even say I felt sorry for them, serves them right for being 3 months behind schedule to be honest – if this had happened when they promised it would then the birds wouldn’t even be nesting yet so…. suck it up.
*FANFARE* WE HAVE A NEW WINDOW (well technically 4) THAT LETS LIGHT IN AND ISN’T MOTTLED OR COVERED IN WELDED ON DEAD MOTHS! GLORY BE! COME ON JEEBUS, LET YOUR SUN SHINE IN WEE MAN! LOOK!
So you see, I had to get to Morrison’s cash point to pay the men because there were no guarantees that Davie and Agnes would kill them and gain us a free window. I suspect if my ONLY driver for day was to pick up some cottage cheese that I might have had something else for brunch today and stayed cosy again, because I’m still not in a great place but I hate invoices hanging around so wanted it paid as soon as the work was finished – I get antsy otherwise. Now, I’m not going to lie, I genuinely thought I was going to have to stop for a wee lie down by the self service check outs as I was stood there trying to get my frozen raspberries to scan (I bought a few other bits n all see), the ice had covered the bar code and I couldn’t get the fucker off, but in the end the wee girl with the special magic card took pity on me and sorted out the rest of my scanning. I think both she and I knew I needed to get out of there; I was incredibly grateful. From there I went to the built in cash point got the money out, dragged myself back to the car and after a wee breather behind the wheel drove home to find that the lads were just finishing up. The joiner walked up the stairs to show me the inside of the window and make sure I was delighted with it (obvs) and of course I had to follow. I’m always right conscious of people watching me walk and I could see him looking at me funny so I knew he was going to ask me what was wrong and sure enough he screwed his face up and asked; “have you hurt your legs?”. Eeeeesht, every time someone asks I always just toy with the idea of saying yes, because it would be easier wouldn’t it? People understand hurt legs and how it could affect your walking… but I haven’t hurt them, they hurt because the bones feel like they’re disintegrating, and that’s because I have M.E. Am I being contrary? Maybe, but people won’t know until they know… so I told him “Nah, I’ve got M.E. and find walking and climbing stairs difficult” and then I watched the confusion piss all over his face. He had no idea what M.E. was and why should he? You crowd do, either because you have it too or because you’ve come across it in life but have a think about how many people you know with the condition, not too many I would imagine. There’s an estimated 250,000 of us in the UK in a population of 66.5 million. You’re likely not going to know a large spread of people who are all affected, unless you enjoy hanging around with the no energy crew, in which case….. well done for finding the elite. He doesn’t hang around with the elite though, so it’s utterly understandable that he has absolutely no idea what it is. Now, I could have tried to explain it a bit, but I reckon neither he nor I would enjoy that exchange so instead I pointed out some silicone he’d smeared on the window and he explained the decorator would fix that. Job done. Uncomfortable conversation averted.
So I waved his wee confused face off with a wedge of cash and then got stuck in about making my quiche. Given that there’s no crust there’s really not a lot to it; fry some stuff, mix some stuff and bung it in the oven but it’s tasty. So you see, cottage cheese may be a soulless ingredient on it’s own but it doesn’t half make my crustless quiche a tasty bastard – look.
Cheese, bacon, mushroom and onion. Epic. I was fucking knackered by the time it was in the oven but I had achieved what I needed to for the day. I’m not even going to apologise for the splatter marks you can see on my hob in that pic because, to be honest, there are bigger concerns in this house than chilli jizz (tonight’s tea) all over the place. Just ignore it – it’s what I do…. mostly.
The other big news is that we took the cot bars off of Eli’s bed this morning. He is officially sleeping in a bigger boy bed tonight so I am very well prepared for lots of falling out of bed, getting up to play with toys, read books, sing songs, dance, cry etc etc. Lady luck could be smiling down on me right enough. He may have missed his nap at nursery and be absolutely bone tired by the time he gets home. If that’s the case he often falls asleep during story time and Christiaan can get him into bed asleep… so he might not even know the bars aren’t there? Until he falls and rattles his chops on the floor that is. I’ve popped a rolled up blanket along the edge so he’d kind of need to go uphill first and I’m hoping that common sense tells him it’s not a good idea but I’ve no idea what goes on in his head. It could go either way with Eli; quite often the things I expect him to play merry hell about he ignores completely and then goes completely ape shit because I’ve dared to say his name; he’s a complicated little fucker. well, tonight, he can be as complicated as he likes so long as he stays in that bastard room, I think between the baby gate/cage on his door and his actual door being closed we should be OK; he’s never been one to climb because he’s just too idle but you watch him change his mind today… contrary wee fucker. So here, this is what it looks like for now:
Eventually we’ll get the bed spun round so that the headboard is against the wall but for now, this angle is the way it’s always been and it lets us see everything we need to on the baby monitor so it’s staying as is until I’m certain he’s not going to react badly.
Other than that, the day has been really quiet for me. Like I said earlier on, I’m still not great but I’m not as bad as I was yesterday and I’m grateful for that at least. It’s an absolutely beautiful day out there but it’s too cold and too bright for me to be out in, even in the garden, so I’ve been indoors most of the day but have felt grateful to be able to just slob around and not converse. I’ve watched boats go by and I’ve counted my lucky stars yet again that although life isn’t perfect, I have everything I need and more. Sure, I’d like to win the lottery, cure M.E. and never have to worry about the mundane shit in life going forward but it’s not on the cards so there’s no point whittling on. Here, have some pictures of blue skies and boats – just because…. and wish me luck for tonight!
- The never ending saga featuring the windowless window has now concluded – we have glass in our window hooorayyyy
- I’ve had less of the horrible feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach today
- I made a fat club quiche and it was v v tasty
- I went to Morrison’s
- I’m still feeling rotten, albeit not as bad as yesterday
- I had my sickness update call with work, not my gaffer, but the first line call handlers… I now have a referral to occupational health, which is great because they want to help, but also pointless because they’ll have no idea about the condition in all likelihood. There is also a 30 minute phone appointment to get through which I know will be difficult. Joy.
- What’s on the menu Mellars?
- Breakfast – Nothing today
- Lunch – Some of that quiche and then I had a yogurt and some fruit after
- Dinner – Baked potato with chilli – Christiaans favourite!
Are you new round here?
If you’ve just stumbled across TryingToDoItAll and have no bastarding idea what’s going on you should probably go back and read a few blogs from the beginning. Don’t panic, I won’t ask you to read them all, but these few posts will help explain. Oh stop sighing, it’ll only take you a few minutes. Fucks sake.
- Well you’re here, so you may as well get comfy
- Can’t stop M.E. now…. ahmm having such a good time, ahmm tickling your balllssss!
- When are the grown ups coming?
- Major surgery…again?
- You’ve got to be kidding M.E.?
#mecfs #meawarenessuk #mewarrior #silentillness #swearymum