It’s all gone to shit

Thursday the 31st May 2018

It’s been a right odd day to be honest. I’d planned to try and get myself out for an hour this morning having stayed in yesterday but it’s not quite worked out like that…. never does does it? I’m SURE someone somewhere hears what I’m planning, snorts and says “aye right, good luck with that! Here, catch this exploding turd instead, it’ll be fun”. Fuckers.

So this morning was bad, in most ways to be honest. I was beyond knackered when it was time to get up but forced myself out of bed so that I could spend some time with the wee boy before he went to the nursery. I had promised myself that I’d go back for a few hours kip later, then get showered and then get out for a bit – it was all planned out. So the three of us pottered about as usual until it was time for bollockchops to go, Christiaan got him ready and then I waved them off gratefully before tidying up Eli’s carnage and toddling off to bed. So far so good. Got cosy in bed and fell asleep pronto – Perfect…. or it would have been if the builders hadn’t turned up half an hour later. Surely I’d known they were coming though right? I guess the answer is both yes and no. I use the same firm regularly to do the ongoing work on the house and the gaffer, like every bastard tradesman I’ve ever met, is a bit of a mare for saying he’ll do X on Y date and it then occurring on the eleventeenth of Julember. They’re good though and I don’t mind being flexible to a certain extent when I trust that it’ll get done well.  So, we’ve been doing the hokey kokey for the last few weeks and he’d mentioned last week he’d probably be down Wed/Thurs this week to get started, but this convo has been happening since March, so you know, I took it with a pinch of salt. Yesterday came and wen’t and I heard nothing so just presumed it wasn’t going to happen this week, that was until the doorbell rang while I was in bed asleep. Of all the fucking times he has to keep his word it’s the VERY time I’ve presumed he’s fucking me off for another job.

So, after a panicked Christiaan running into the bedroom to announce their arrival I had to get the fuck out of bed, and showered … quickly. Which is a terrible idea for me, but I hadn’t managed the shower yesterday and badly needed one and the alternative was a bunch of workies seeing my saggy norks, prehistoric hair and holey jammas which give more than just a peek of the old hairy fanjo so I had no choice. You know what’s coming right? Course you do. I fucked myself. By getting clean quickly, because, you know, it’s almost like a Crystal Maze challenge for me that; especially when I’ve just woken up with a start. I managed to Pantene my vag and Dove my hair which was pretty much an indicator of how the rest of the day was going to go for me.

So after the ordeal of GETTING CLEAN I needed to sit the fuck down – preferably for a long time, so I guess it wasn’t the worst day for me to be held hostage in the house by the workmen. Christiaan was working so I needed go be around for them and they’d blocked my car in the drive, so even if I had wanted to go out I’d need to faff around with moving multiple vans – it wasn’t worth it. So I did what any respectable person would do. I lay on the couch watching telly, feeling idle while people moved around my house doing stuff I was neither skilled nor able to do. The cats were as pissed off as I was because they were locked in a bedroom, but after last time round, it was a better option for me – I can’t concentrate fully on doing nothing when there’s a stench of shite and 2 sets of pissed off judgemental eyes on me all day; it puts me off my telly programmes.

So the hall skylight, which is awkward as fuck but essential and the kitchen ceiling, aka ceiling vag, were in scope today. The skylight has been a worry for a while because we’d noticed it was basically rotting and the previous owners had just stuck a secondary glazed unit under it instead of replacing it (lazy fucking bastards) so I was chuffed it was getting done. Perfect. Except that meant I couldn’t use the hallway, and the kitchen was out of bounds because the ceiling was being pulled down and replaced. I was literally trapped in the living room, which if I’d been better prepared would have meant I had access to food and drink but I didn’t think they’d show, so I wasn’t. The result is I’ve had a yoghurt and a few spoonfuls of leftover casserole left from last night all day, and I only managed to grab that by means of jeopardy… I guess the bonus is that my calorie intake is looking svelte today.

They were ready to leave for the day just before three and to be honest that’s where the fun started; gaffer shouts me out of my comfy cave and proudly presents me with a half finished sky light. Half finished. There was no fucking glass in it. I mean don’t get me wrong it’s boarded in and weatherproof but it turns out that the glass won’t be ready till Monday. For fucks sake. He didn’t want to let me down again by not showing today…… because I’d have roasted his balls. Now that’s true, because I would have, I had done last week and the week before that but I’d rather have had it finished in one go, in fact I would rather he told me it wasn’t going to be finished today before he even started. If you’re a tradesman and you do shit like this; fucking stop it. You might THINK you’re doing someone a favour but actually, it annoys the fuck out of most people: turn up when you say you’re going to, or call if you can’t and also finish the fucking job quickly. Don’t put it off for age because you’ve got bigger jobs coming and what’s left of this one will only “take an hour”. This comes from someone who has been having work done in the same house for nearly 4 years. I trust the tradesmen we use, I’d not use anyone else now because the reality is, they’re 99% the same at time keeping but the quality of work and dodgy behaviour varies. These guys do a good job and it’s taken me ages to find that so I guess I’ll always be roasting his balls for time keeping!

Ceiling Vag is at least gone now, we’ve got new boards up and hopefully the painter and decorator will have room for us next week to get it fully finished along with the bedroom. Just hold in there Mellars… next month you shall have all this shit finished.

That’s a plant leave you can see by the way, by the hall window… it’s not a monster. Honest. I tell you what though, the WORST bit of having work done is the mess after. This crowd are great and generally tidy up behind them but the dust gets everywhere so after they left I had approximately half an hour to hoover, mop the floor and clean the surfaces before I had to go and get Eli which meant, well I fucked myself again didn’t I? Honest to fucking God, it’s so frustrating. 20 minutes light work, if that, and I was shaking and needed to sit down before I fell down. Why is my body so shit at this stuff these days? I suspect it’s sending messages to Lady Luck and Fate – “she needs to win the lottery and have staff” or something of that nature.

I managed to get out and get the wee boy, throw him some dinner together but burn ours, three times no less, before it well and truly died. I had underestimated the amount of liquid my risotto needed in the pressure cooker, 3 times, so it was welded to the bottom COCK SUCKER.  Neither Christiaan nor I have eaten much today because we couldn’t get in the kitchen, and now I’ve burnt tea. Fucks sake. So, today has been marvellous as you can tell… if ever I wanted something quick and convenient and FILTHY to eat it’s now, but I won’t. I’ll wait until laddo is in bed and I’ll grab some fruit and yoghurt and maybe a slice of toast later if I need it, because I may be a fatty, but I’m a COMMITTED fatty and I NEED to get that sorted… as well as everything else.

So you’ll forgive me for this being a very short and sharp affair tonight but I’m absolutely fucking knackered. IN fact if I had the energy I’d be punching kittens and drop kicking grannies because, well….


The end

  • Highlights
    • I have new window FRAME
    • Ceiling vag is gone!
  •  Lowlights
    • I do not have a new WINDOW and won’t have till Monday
      • It is also due to rain… all fucking weekend. They’ve said it’s weatherproof… we’ll see
    • There’s fucking dust everywhere, despite my best efforts cleaning (half hearted at best)
    • I’m in a terrible mood
    • I’m tired, sore and have I mentioned I’m in a terrible mood?
  • What’s on the menu Mellars? NOT VERY FUCKING MUCH
    • Breakfast – a yoghurt
    • Lunch – A few spoons of leftover casserole
    • Dinner  – Nothing, I’ve burnt the fucking thing… 3 times. It’s inedible. It was supposed to be tomato and bacon risotto.

Are you new round here?

If you’ve just stumbled across TryingToDoItAll and have no bastarding idea what’s going on you should probably go back and read a few blogs from the beginning. Don’t panic, I won’t ask you to read them all, but these few posts will help explain. Oh stop sighing, it’ll only take you a few minutes. Fucks sake.

  1. Well you’re here, so you may as well get comfy
  2. Can’t stop M.E. now…. ahmm having such a good time, ahmm tickling your balllssss!
  3. When are the grown ups coming?
  4. Major surgery…again?
  5. You’ve got to be kidding M.E.?

#mecfs #meawarenessuk #mewarrior #silentillness #swearymum



2 thoughts on “It’s all gone to shit

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