Independence, haircuts and WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SUNSHINE?

Tuesday the 22nd of May 2018

I’m going to start by having a marvellously British moment in a Scottish kind of way. Ready?

What the fuck is going on with the bastard weather? Why is it baltic out there? Not even the fleecy blanket could keep the minus 85394853948563498563498564 wind off me and allow me to sit in Le Jardin, and it was CLOUDY. What the fuck? Where’s the sunshine? OK, so it was nearly 14 degrees but after a good few days of slightly higher temperatures I’m a bit fucked off we’ve digressed rather than progressed to the beautiful summer we all deserve. I’m not a fan of the cold, I enjoy a bit of heat I do, not anything too hot mind; in fact anything over 24/25  and I’m too hot, but 20ish – perfect. Oh and I enjoy a cooler night, 18 degrees is perfect – I’d still have my jammies on under the duvet.

The fact it’s gone all cold today has made me all wistful about trying to get away somewhere on holiday but after allowing my brain to wander to lots of different possibilities we’ve decreed it’d be a right waste of money for us this year. Firstly, what the fuck am I going to do over there that I couldn’t do here? Be warm probably, but the rest? Well I’m doing it already aint I? I’m living the slow life, I don’t really need a bastard break from life and knackering myself flying somewhere else is a right daft idea. We’d only fly somewhere to find I could do absolutely fuck all but sleep anyway. Secondly, as I’ve mentioned before, I’d only want to come home again to my own bed and after a few nights. I have been looking at getting a wee short weekend away for the three of us somewhere though – not right now, it’s not something we could entertain until I come out of this crash but at some point. Even if it’s somewhere a few hours away from home, the highlands or the border or summit. Definitely the UK though and given we have a tiny dictator in our midst it’ll need to be toddler friendly so it’s likely to look like one of those fucking holiday park things I swore I’d never set foot in. Comes to us all though innit? They look absolutely bob on for keeping Eli entertained and we all know that life stops being about you when your wombfruit dictator(s) arrive. So I’d sit there and watch an overweight thirty something bloke in a bear costume dance, while Eli sips something blue that will keep him awake for 12 days because that’s what a family holiday looks like for us now.  That’s if it happens at all mind. I spend a huge amount of time in my own imagination for obvious reasons; planning what we’d do if we won the lottery (any time now) or if I started to get even a bit better. It’s nice to have the time to give it some thought I guess, a lot of people don’t get the chance to stop in today’s busy world… it’s a bit of a kick when you realise it’s not likely to happen in the short term at least though. Maybe we’ll just stay here, in the land of the brave.

Hopefully the land of independence if Nicola Sturgeon manages to pull it off. She announced in the last few days that she’ll be opening the idea of independence up for debate again (Click here to read more). I know it’s massively contentious for a lot of people, but for me it makes sense. I voted yes last time round and I’d do the same again because I’m a utterly utterly fucked off and jaded with Westminster and the way it operates. It’s a corporate machine that churns out greed, lies and utter fucking narcissism. It’s not accountable, it may pretend it is, but it’s not. I don’t vote yes because I hate the English by the way; very few of us do. If that was the case I’d be sending Christiaan back home over the border now that his super sperm has given me a child. The majority vote yes because they want to be heard, to have the opportunity (even if it turns out to be the wrong move) to do something different, it’s about CHANGING something…… and also escaping the clutches of Westminster Tories. Scotland as a country is gagged at the moment. Even if we rallied every single person in our country out to vote we’d still have less than half the population of London. That might not mean much until you consider that the majority of Scotland voted to stay in Europe. Or that the majority of Scotland voted to keep the Tories out and yet here we are with a Tory government who are pushing us out of Europe. What’s the point in being a “country” if we can’t hold any influence? It’s not even about what’s right or wrong in terms of opinion, it’s the fact that as a nation our vote counts for literally fuck all. We’d be as well collecting the ballot papers and using them as confetti, they make not one bit of difference and that’s why, in my opinion, we will never ever be heard as a nation. Does that mean I’m a raging independence radicalist? Nahhhh, I’ve always wanted Scotland to gain independence but I’m not evangelical about it; if the majority don’t want it then fair enough.  I just genuinely think we should have a go. How much fucking worse could things actually get? I mean, people can’t afford to buy houses, rent houses, save, pay their bills or eat so what else could actually go wrong? The last campaign for independence fell down around fear and economics, and in the wake of a government, who, the day after the first independence referendum began to back track on promises it had made during the “Better Together” campaign it’ll be interesting if nowt else to see if people’s views have shifted.  I know it’ll be a massive ball ache to go through it all again, fuck me,  the propaganda alone almost sent me barmy last time round,  but we’ve always been a resilient nation and I reckon one more crack at the whip is worth it. Just to make sure, in today’s landscape that everyone feels ENTIRELY comfy with the fat fucking powerhouse that’s in charge.

Anyway, who knew the weather could get me all political? Learn summit new every day… my triggers are endless.

You’ve probably guessed by now, BECAUSE of my political rant, that the brain fog has lifted slightly today. HOOFUCKINGRAY! I don’t reckon I’ll be phoning MENSA anytime soon but it’s nice not to feel like quite as much of a confused drunk as I have done the last few days. I’m still not crystal clear sharp, in fact I’m probably like you after half a bottle of wine but it’s an improvement on the last few days.  Of course, as with everything in this fucking illness, it’s swings and roundabouts so my body is fucking aching instead; way more than it has the last few days. I wonder whether it’s always this sore and actually because my brain is so fogged up I just don’t recognise the pain? Fucked if I know, but I’ve just necked a fistful of pills now that Eli is going up to bed so I’m hoping I get a wee bit of a relief before bed time.

Today hasn’t actually been too horrendous bar the pain; still shit but more manageable than I’ve had  in a week or so. Eli and I headed over to my folks this morning like we do every Tuesday morning and he was on good form. That kid has an uncanny ability to charm anyone at any time and he chose today to be all kinds of adorable for his Granny and Grandad. I love it when he does that though because we’re harsh with him about manners and behaviour, so to see others enjoy his company is like vindication that we’re doing the right thing.  I know it might seem a bit unreasonable but I fucking hate rude entitled kids and Christiaan and I are both determined ours will understand when to say please and thank you and what is considered rude or cheeky. So when he is an absolute star it reminds me that it’s worth reminding him 344 times a day to say thank you, or no thank you, or please, or even hello to people as he walks by. He WILL be a nice boy that someone, someday will be proud to take home and meet their folks….. not at 2.5 years old mind, that would be kidnapping and it’s generally frowned upon.

We also got his haircut today and I’ve got to say, after almost 6 months of SCREAMING blue murder he really didn’t do too badly at all today. Huge HUGE kudos to Nicola – she was so patient and kind with him… and quick which is the key. There was also a salon dog; a beautiful relationship blossomed over a mutual love of chocolate buttons which helped enormously until the dog liked the look of Eli’s teddy Pumpkin, took it gently in his mouth and went to run off with it; Eli declared enough of that horseshit and threw a hissy fit. I suspect Baxter the dog either wanted to shag Pumpkin or rip it’s head off so he was a bit miffed his plan had been scuppered; it’s just as well we retrieved him before the wee man saw things he could never unsee. He did well though did Eli, he lasted till about 10 minutes before the end before crumpling into tears and “need a cuddle Mummy” but I’ll take that; it’s a huge improvement and we managed nine tenths of a complete haircut before it was absolutely enough for him. So thank you Nicola my darlin, you’ve done me a huge service there.

So that’s been my day, a trip to my folks to sit down somewhere else for a few hours and a quick trip to the hairdressers followed by some ice cream for the wee boy. As always, not much by your standards maybe, but a win for me. OK, so I was dragging my legs a bit  but I reckon if the zombies were out, I’d have fitted in fine….. I’d be an excellent zombie extra. For a few minutes at least…

I’ll take that.

The end

  • Highlights
    • The mullet has gone hoorayyyy! I’ll get some pics tomoz for you, if you’re even remotely interested.
    • Nursery day for the wee man tomorrow – I’m not sorry for that being a highlight either, I’m ready for a break
    • Our Dot is hoping she can call in tomorrow for a bit which will be lovely
  • Lowlights
    • Really really fucking sore today which is cock. I hate not walking like a normalton but to be honest I think I’m far more aware of it than others are
    • The noise in the hairdressers and also Eli’s screaming meant I was a bit all over the place upstairs when we left; I’m hoping this doesn’t mean that I can’t sit through my own hair appointment. Would it be rude to go in with headphones? And my sunglasses? I’d look a tit wouldn’t I?
  • What’s on the menu Mellars? Bit of a mixed bag today
    • Breakfast…. a yoghurt with apple and raspberries through again – a firm favourite for a few days now
    • Lunch – I made some right nice soup in the InstantPot of dreams; I love some good soup.
    • Dinner – Chinese chicken curry with rice…. except I only had a few wee bits of chicken because I wasn’t that arsed so technically I had a mushroom and onion chinese curry with rice. It was epic.

Are you new round here?

If you’ve just stumbled across TryingToDoItAll and have no bastarding idea what’s going on you should probably go back and read a few blogs from the beginning. Don’t panic, I won’t ask you to read them all, but these few posts will help explain. Oh stop sighing, it’ll only take you a few minutes. Fucks sake.

  1. Well you’re here, so you may as well get comfy
  2. Can’t stop M.E. now…. ahmm having such a good time, ahmm tickling your balllssss!
  3. When are the grown ups coming?
  4. Major surgery…again?
  5. You’ve got to be kidding M.E.?

#mecfs #meawarenessuk #mewarrior #silentillness #swearymum

#ThisisME

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