OK, OK, you got M.E.

What a fucking day.

It’s ironic. I spend every day trying so hard to do it all, and do it all well, but there’s some days where the one thing I’m trying hard to ignore gets the most attention. Today M.E. has won.

It’s a sneaky bastard really. I can tick along, I can follow all the rules, I can pace, and rest and take it slow, I can eat well and be happy and positive and STILL it flares. The unpredictability of this whole shower of shite means that I’m ducking and diving life like a very slow, non moving Grobbelaar (I just wanted to show off that I could spell it). So today has been fucking awful.

I woke up to the realisation that I’d clearly been run over in the night after a wild party and… that the rest of that cocking melon was left over from yesterday for breakfast. Happy Thursday Mellars.

I very quickly decided that the melon could go fuck itself and actually, breakfast in its entirety could but that left me with another problem… I wasn’t sure if I could get out of bed I was knackered, and sore and I felt 10 steps behind myself already. This is a battle I have 4 days out of 7 I would say; I always start off by thinking that there’s no way I can function that day, that I’ll need to stay in bed and sleep and sometimes I’m right, I can’t function and I do need to stay in bed… but not today. Today the sun was shining and I wanted to do positive stuff; like work and be an adult.

There was nowt else for it but my reverse commando roll move. The reverse commando roll move, for those that have no idea involves lying on your back, scrunching your legs up to your chest and doing a cross between and pirouette and a roll out of bed, or a high thing, wherever you are. It’s quick and it works. The downside is often I fart. A lot. Machine gun style. Christiaan’s used to it though – he calls it my ninja move… apparently he’s never seen anyone get out of bed so quick which raises lots of questions really. Who’s bed has he been sleeping in apart from ours? How do other people get out of bed? Is my technique more of a glorified fall compared to these other people? WHY IS HE SHARING A BED WITH A NINJA???? Anyway, I perfected it when my back was goosed and I just needed to gracefully topple out of bed and it’s stayed with me.

So, good news – I’m up. Bad news – there was more chance of me fancying that melon than making it to the shower in my current state. I was destined to be part of the great unwashed which is a terrible place to be. A shower for someone with M.E. (if they have the energy to have one), is a lot like being doused in concrete while you wear armour made of pins – it’s a sensory fucking nightmare. Ahhh you’re thinking I should go in the bath aren’t you? No, I get stuck in the fucker. Not because I’m fat, but because I genuinely can’t pull myself in and out and I’m fucked if my pride is being dented by asking Christiaan, who weighs a lot less than me, to help me. Also I LOVE the feeling of hot water on me in the shower on a good day but on a bad day I need to work up to it so for the first few hours of my day I worked in my jammas. “THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE DOES” I hear you chant pantomime style…. No actually, it’s not. I work better when I’m showered, dressed and sat at my desk with judgmental Iggle Piggle and his wench behind me (see the pics here) so to be in my jammas going between the couch and my bed because I can’t actually sit properly today was a nightmare. My brain wasn’t and still isn’t on form today, I’m making stupid mistakes and I’m struggling to be coherent, on top of being out of sorts in terms of my working environment and sore I think it’s fair to say the value of my presence was somewhat diluted…at half one I gave in. I needed sleep – I am more angry about that than I can ever get across to you, but it is what it is… my body and brain are a tag team of arseholes.

I love staying in bed normally mind. Not only because I like to sleep longer and more often than the average bear (what ever happened to Boo Boo and Yogi?) but because we’re really luck to have a stunning view from our bedroom. We don’t get to enjoy it very often because Eli likes to be up at stupid o’clock most days but when we get the chance sitting in bed and watching the sun come up from either our room or Eli’s room is a glorious way to start the day. Look this was first thing this morning – you can even see the snow on the Pentlands just behind Edinburgh. I love living here.

I never take that view for granted – it’s the best way to start your day looking out at that every day. Even on a shit day it can be utterly dramatic. Remember that snow we had a few weeks back? We never ever get snow here, the sea normally kicks its arse with it’s salty behaviour but this time… well THIS time the snow said “fuck you” to science and won. We could see the Beast from the East coming in from… well from the East.

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We ended up with a tonne of snow, the village was pretty much cut off, there was NO BREAD AND MILK… PANIC! We also discovered that Eli hates snow. At least the Siberian drawing pin pelting off the face kind of snow that we had… what even was that? That was not White Christmas snow, the lovely silent big flakes we’re used to, it was like being assassinated by a million freezing wasps while your ears were trying to escape your head. Add the wind into that and I have absolutely no hesitation in agreeing with our child on this occasion- IT WAS A BIG BAG OF HORSE SHIT.

I’m not geared up for shitty weather to be honest. I fucking hate ambling about the great out doors with no purpose at the best of times, so people that tell me that there’s no such thing as bad weather, only the wrong clothes really make my tits itch. STAY INDOORS YOU CRAZY BASTARDS. If it’s torrential rain or gale force winds it’s natures way of closing it’s door and curtains and getting on with the housework, it doesn’t need you under it’s feet trying to feel wholesome. If you NEED to be out to take the dog out, or to get bread and milk (essential) then fine but don’t go out just for shits and giggles, have cake and a nice sit down. You’ll feel better for it.

I’ve knackered myself by ranting now… what a tit.

It’s an earlier post that normal because I’m going to get myself back off to bed again after dinner. Yes, I know, I’ll give myself indigestion but that’s just the sort of feral woman I am.

Night Ya’all… here’s to a better tomorrow.

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