Friday the 13th, CBD hopes and family time ❤️👨‍👩‍👦

Friday the 13th of July 2018 Fuck me, I hadn't realised until I typed the date out that it was actually Friday the 13th. Well I fucking never. I mean, Jason V hasn't even text far less shown up? Eeeesht he's changed.  I guess given the fact I'm half way through the day and I've … Continue reading Friday the 13th, CBD hopes and family time ❤️👨‍👩‍👦

Caution: Contains themes of arseholery and rantage (again)

Thursday the 12th of July 2018 *Tut* 4 days. That's how long I've been gone.....4 fucking days, and look what you've done to the place! BoJo's all Eye of the Tiger about kicking Terrahawk May to the curb, the footballists taxi for "home" got lost and is now en-route to Croatia and Trump's coming to … Continue reading Caution: Contains themes of arseholery and rantage (again)

Scorchio, camel cock pie and .. scenery

Sunday the 8th of July 2018 Blimey, it's scorchio out there. Well for here anyway, it's 26 degrees. All of the men in the village have been raped of their shirts and as a result I've seen enough pale blue legs and big flabby moobs to last me a life time. Scottish blokes are not … Continue reading Scorchio, camel cock pie and .. scenery

Bigger Boy Pills, Jekyll and Hyde and sunshine 🌞

Tuesday the 3rd of July 2018 Thank fuck, I made it, it's the end of Tuesday... it's taken AGES to arrive. It's been an utterly strange and depressing few days, so I'll apologise now because I suspect this will be all over the place. In some ways I've made headway in treatment, but I've taken … Continue reading Bigger Boy Pills, Jekyll and Hyde and sunshine 🌞

Boudoirs, ugly genitals and burny hot

Thursday the 28th June 2018 Blimey, Thursday already and it's an absolute belter out there. I was sat out in the garden for a bit earlier this morning but it got way too hot and rather than having a lovely warming heat on my bones I felt my bone marrow was on actual fire so … Continue reading Boudoirs, ugly genitals and burny hot

Friends, haircuts and no fucking chair!

Tuesday the 26th of June 2018 I'll level with you - I nearly didn't write again today.  Don't get me wrong, I love writing but it kind of feels like a pressure some days;  a pressure I've added to life purely through choice I might add. I've gotten used to opening the laptop, or the … Continue reading Friends, haircuts and no fucking chair!

Orange Walks, Epsom Salt and fucking with Burger Friday

Friday the 22nd of June 2018 Right then, we all made it to Friday hooooray, well done etc etc! Now, I don't want to completely destroy the equilibrium of the universe, but there will be no burgers today.  Well no porky bastards anyway.  Yes, I know it's fucking Friday, I just said that, but I'm … Continue reading Orange Walks, Epsom Salt and fucking with Burger Friday

Doing nothing, debates and very shameful rides

Thursday the 21st of June 2018 All those in favour of renaming the blog "Not doing very much at all really" raise your hands now. 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ That is, if it doesn't knacker you - blink if that's easier. Not too much mind, or you'll look special and not in a good way. I tell you what, I'm … Continue reading Doing nothing, debates and very shameful rides

Toddlers, Carpets and not faking it.

Tuesday the 19th of June 2018 Well bugger me backwards and call me Phyllis, I've made it back again. That's two days on the trot people - I'll soon be kicking JK Rowling in the arse as I'm passing her by. Harry Potter my fucking arse, get a real job. So, it's Tuesday, the day … Continue reading Toddlers, Carpets and not faking it.

Went a bit AWOL didn’t I?

Monday the 18th of June 2018 It's been 4 days since I've been able to put words in the right order. Can you believe it? 4 fucking days. That's why I've not been around much. I could talk for the most part, but my brain was so tired I wasn't capable of writing a sentence … Continue reading Went a bit AWOL didn’t I?

OAP grafters and unreasonable goblins

Tuesday the 12th of June 2018 What a fucking day.....No don't worry, it's not one of THOSE posts. I've caught a bus and THEN flagged a taxi to take me away from the pity party that's dominated me this last wee while. Nah, today I'm undoubtedly fucked, but I'm in good humour so you're safe. … Continue reading OAP grafters and unreasonable goblins

Living for the weekends ❤️

Saturday the 9th of June 2018 Firstly, sorry for being a moany fucker yesterday and before you all start trying to make me feel less of a moany fucker by proclaiming "you weren't..HONESTLY... and EVEN if you were it's TOTALLY understandable" -  don't. I was.  I appreciate you trying to make me feel better about … Continue reading Living for the weekends ❤️

Big Boy Bed, Windows and Morrison’s

Wednesday 6th of June 2018 Well, today is better than yesterday so that's good news innit? I mean I didn't skip out of bed to Katrina and the Waves first thing this morning, but I didn't have to check my own pulse to see if I was still alive either; so that's progress. It was … Continue reading Big Boy Bed, Windows and Morrison’s

Life, Cheese and fucking Trolls

Monday 4th June 2018 Ahh hello you. Thanks for dropping in and reading, I'm always grateful you take the time. So firstly, yesterday. Nothing bad happened, actually, it was a fine day; it was just busy for me so firstly I didn't get a chance to write all day and secondly, by the time I … Continue reading Life, Cheese and fucking Trolls

Bouncy pillows of fun, farm shops and dinosaurs

Saturday the 2nd of June 2018 I KNEW that June wasn't as much of an arsehole as May was. She couldn't be. Not when she brings with her long days and sunshine and here we are on her second day and you know what? It's been alright! Actually, some bits of it have been really … Continue reading Bouncy pillows of fun, farm shops and dinosaurs

June has arrived, May is an arsehole and that’s all there is to it.

Friday the 1st of June 2018 - IT'S NOT A MOANY ONE HONEST. I think June and I are going to get on alright to be honest. She's come in like a breath of fresh air this morning, kicked May squarely in the flaps and sent her packing. I think she understands what I always … Continue reading June has arrived, May is an arsehole and that’s all there is to it.

It’s all gone to shit

Thursday the 31st May 2018 It's been a right odd day to be honest. I'd planned to try and get myself out for an hour this morning having stayed in yesterday but it's not quite worked out like that.... never does does it? I'm SURE someone somewhere hears what I'm planning, snorts and says "aye … Continue reading It’s all gone to shit

Own goals, old friends and a bit of self pity

Wednesday the 30th of May 2018 It's happening more and more isn't it? Me, missing a day of writing... eeesht, I'm treating this hobby like a holiday camp, swinging in and out when I feel like it. When the going got tough, well, I fucked off didn't I? Sorry, or you're welcome, whichever fits best … Continue reading Own goals, old friends and a bit of self pity

Pansies, Best friends and more sitting down

Monday the 28th of May 2018 It's happened. I've become middle aged. I mean, I've known it was coming for a while what with my growing adoration for elasticated clothing and comfy footwear but I thought it would be a slow and graceful evolution rather than what turned out to be a very disappointing wet … Continue reading Pansies, Best friends and more sitting down

A day of rest, family and abortion rights

Sunday the 27th of May 2018 I tell you what, I'll do well if I manage to get to my normal few thousand words today because I've done literally fuck alllll day. Not because of any overly dramatic reason to be fair, I mean I'm shit but I'm not at deaths door, it's just the … Continue reading A day of rest, family and abortion rights

Joggists, tantrums and a weird bruise….

Saturday the 26th of May 2018 Private Mellars reporting for duty.... aaaaaaaateeeeeeeeenshunnnnnnnnnnnnn etc. etc. Firstly, sorry for missing last night. No, no, relaaaaaax, we weren't meant to be meeting at that seedy bar again, I mean for not writing. Those that follow the Facebook page clearly had an explanation (also sad face pics) but I … Continue reading Joggists, tantrums and a weird bruise….

“Hunters”, hairdressers and… no hope (not even Bob Hope).

Thursday the 24th May 2018 This is going to be an weird write up I think because I've just been watching something that's made me feel a bit uncomfortable on Facebook and I'll not be able to get past it until I mentally file it; i.e. write about it. So sorry in advance.... It was … Continue reading “Hunters”, hairdressers and… no hope (not even Bob Hope).

Magic, scones and grey fucking hairs

Wednesday the 23rd of May 2018 I'm just going to put it out there; this Yanny/Laurel thing? Bag of shite. I keep seeing it plastered all over Facebook, but I just don't get it. Why is it creating a stir? I can literally tell Christiaan something one day and he'll swear I said something different; … Continue reading Magic, scones and grey fucking hairs

Independence, haircuts and WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SUNSHINE?

Tuesday the 22nd of May 2018 I'm going to start by having a marvellously British moment in a Scottish kind of way. Ready? What the fuck is going on with the bastard weather? Why is it baltic out there? Not even the fleecy blanket could keep the minus 85394853948563498563498564 wind off me and allow me … Continue reading Independence, haircuts and WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SUNSHINE?

Losing control, not giving in and pissed off chairs

Monday the 21st of May 2018 Right then, here we are again at the beginning of another week and yet again I'm sitting down to write about fuck knows what for fuck knows how long. I wish I could tell you I have an agenda mapped out for content, but I don't and to be … Continue reading Losing control, not giving in and pissed off chairs

Down with French Fancies….. and wasps

Friday the 18th of May 2018 Guess where I am? No, not B & Q.... the other place, with the sunshine and shit. No, not Tenerife, colder than that. Yes, you've got it... Le jardin. Sounds like I've been somewhere different, somewhere more exotic and less boring if you say it in French, which is … Continue reading Down with French Fancies….. and wasps

Club Tropicana, Cheetara and terrorism… apparently

Thursday the 17th of May 2018 Apparently it's only 10 degree's out here today,  but I'm calling bullshit on that because.... CLUB TROPICANA DRINKS ARE FREEEEEE (R.I.P George)....I HAVE TAKEN MY JUMPER OFF!  Oh for fucks sake Don't panic, I still have vest thing and my knocker shelf on - the boys are very much … Continue reading Club Tropicana, Cheetara and terrorism… apparently

Dance off dreams, Weddings and loads of rants

Wednesday the 16th of May 2018 I've started to write this three times already today and had to delete every draft because it was all over the place so I'll warn you now; tonight's blog is as fluid as a Kim Jog-un versus Donald Trump dance off. Which to be fair, I'd pay to see.... … Continue reading Dance off dreams, Weddings and loads of rants

Flaccid pizza, burny bits and Argos

Monday the 14th of May 2018 Well as far as Monday's go, it's not been too shabby. Eli reverted back to normal form and woke up at about five much to everyone's delight but he was at least able to tick over on his own till about half past, which was the same time Bear … Continue reading Flaccid pizza, burny bits and Argos